Post by cpr on Jun 6, 2011 22:53:58 GMT
This has bugged me for a while now, I've threatened to attempt to write something up on it for a while, Mac's invitation made me think more about, lunch time slurps with aitch where i frightened him with it and finally Phil's write up on the World Cup got me to starting something.
This boutique malarkey got me to thinking, some of remember the advent of boutique's, Carnaby Street and such bollox. Unique small shops, no mass production stuff, lairy, airy fairy nonsense really but how does this apply?
So the boutique football club, Flavio's little dream, already he's spent our money making an exclusive little enclave for him and his guests, this will doubtless have a few more chandeliers, tiger skin rugs, designer exclusive Poirot style furniture, the odd gargoyle (short ones and ones with their hands in their pockets), scented toilet rolls, Gulf Air maidens to assist with the usage of said toilet rolls, exciting delicious food from a chef come restaurateur who may or may not have use of his own name, napkins supplied by Harrods, candelabras from John Lewis (I like John Lewis). Food that Karen Brady would be proud of but sadly cannot enjoy. One gets the feeling that clearly the owner of Manchester City's first football visit will be as a guest of Eccles cake and Bria cheese with a waiter who will have to take his kin hands out of his pocket in order to do his master's bidding. The food will be sumptuous, the ambience superb, the service exquisite, the wine Italian, the guests will be fodder for Sky, so much so, the cameras will rarely clock the dross on the pitch.
Now there is the rub, these people want to "give it large" in the Premier league, however, they do not want to spend Premier league money except on their enjoyable components, none of which, take place on the pitch. A season to remember? For them, perhaps, I fear for the real fans, a season to forget unless you like and enjoy an endless stream of two bit celebs and other waste of space hangers on from most walks of erm... F1. We've already seen it, you know what I mean, pictures of these people living it up in the C club, none of them actually seen watching a game.
Anyway, all this preamble leads me to my point, thank fark for that you say, bear with me, the boutique. What are the primary goals of a boutique? Small but nevertheless exclusive products, no? So the stadium fits the bill thus far at least where the owners frequent but the plans may well be to alter the ground to accommodate more of the same. Upper School End (1,800 approx) for visiting oy polloy, Lower School End for freebies and guests (much like last season) not wanted near the exclusive club but enough to keep local businesses, such as the BBC, onside. Lower Loft End, entrance via corner of South Africa Road, for the coopeearra oy polloy, kids at the front so they can get wet as they have no money and are therefore worthless. Loftus Upper concourse entended into the Upper Loft to widen and improve the bars and bistros for the full Kings Road effect. The Blue and White bar becomes an exclusive restaurant for Platinum "Loft" members, the outside area inside the gates is covered and heated for corporate exclusive entertainment with big screens and no need to leave your seat for the inconvenience of a football match. Ellerslie Road stand is converted to a completely enclosed box area for Titanium entertaining, Another exclusive restaurant will be housed in the outdoor area, the press will also mingle here so as not to inconvenience the ruling classes in South Africa Road stand. The South Africa Road stand will be completely taken over for C club entertaining with the exception of each end block for "W12 exclusivity". The paddocks will be split to allow new covered areas for players, subs, families, guests of players, guests of visiting players, guests of referees, guests of guests and anyone else without an AMEX Black. Can you now see the potential of the boutique football ground? A capacity of 14k max but comfort and leggroom galore if only you have the readies.
So we now move onto the football side, a boutique does not revolve around the standard model of mass production, the boutique football club requires what exactly? Let me tell you, it requires some gladiators to turn up when the rich, famous, not so famous, C club celebrities are in town. These gladiators can be bought as and when required, no need to be injury free as they may well get the thumbs down from the well heeled C club. As a result, there is clearly no need for the club to plough money into entertaining young lads who have no chance whatsoever of becoming a bring and buy gladiator, therefore the youth team can be disbanded. Massive savings on running a Centre of Excellence let alone the money saved in not investing in attaining Academy status. The benefits are again clear, no youth setup, no money wasted on expensive qualified coaches to run it, see how easy this model is! Without all these requirements there is actually no need for our own training facilities, don't have to buy one let alone rent one. The exclusive group of gladiators can simply train with Fulham as Fayed is a mate and will be a special guest, don't forget, he has two yachts and a private jet that can be made available to keep him sweet, or anyone else for that matter, matter, sounds like Blatter!
So there you have it, the perfect boutique football club model that will be the envy of the world but all small clubs will want to follow, however they will all lack one thing. That thing being owners who are so removed from the real world they gave no actual concept of what people want or expect, as a result, we will remain the envy of the world until, of course, someone dies or someone else finally gets arrested. that may not help though, if proven successful there might be two "glamorous" daughters willing to continue the boutique experience.
This boutique malarkey got me to thinking, some of remember the advent of boutique's, Carnaby Street and such bollox. Unique small shops, no mass production stuff, lairy, airy fairy nonsense really but how does this apply?
So the boutique football club, Flavio's little dream, already he's spent our money making an exclusive little enclave for him and his guests, this will doubtless have a few more chandeliers, tiger skin rugs, designer exclusive Poirot style furniture, the odd gargoyle (short ones and ones with their hands in their pockets), scented toilet rolls, Gulf Air maidens to assist with the usage of said toilet rolls, exciting delicious food from a chef come restaurateur who may or may not have use of his own name, napkins supplied by Harrods, candelabras from John Lewis (I like John Lewis). Food that Karen Brady would be proud of but sadly cannot enjoy. One gets the feeling that clearly the owner of Manchester City's first football visit will be as a guest of Eccles cake and Bria cheese with a waiter who will have to take his kin hands out of his pocket in order to do his master's bidding. The food will be sumptuous, the ambience superb, the service exquisite, the wine Italian, the guests will be fodder for Sky, so much so, the cameras will rarely clock the dross on the pitch.
Now there is the rub, these people want to "give it large" in the Premier league, however, they do not want to spend Premier league money except on their enjoyable components, none of which, take place on the pitch. A season to remember? For them, perhaps, I fear for the real fans, a season to forget unless you like and enjoy an endless stream of two bit celebs and other waste of space hangers on from most walks of erm... F1. We've already seen it, you know what I mean, pictures of these people living it up in the C club, none of them actually seen watching a game.
Anyway, all this preamble leads me to my point, thank fark for that you say, bear with me, the boutique. What are the primary goals of a boutique? Small but nevertheless exclusive products, no? So the stadium fits the bill thus far at least where the owners frequent but the plans may well be to alter the ground to accommodate more of the same. Upper School End (1,800 approx) for visiting oy polloy, Lower School End for freebies and guests (much like last season) not wanted near the exclusive club but enough to keep local businesses, such as the BBC, onside. Lower Loft End, entrance via corner of South Africa Road, for the coopeearra oy polloy, kids at the front so they can get wet as they have no money and are therefore worthless. Loftus Upper concourse entended into the Upper Loft to widen and improve the bars and bistros for the full Kings Road effect. The Blue and White bar becomes an exclusive restaurant for Platinum "Loft" members, the outside area inside the gates is covered and heated for corporate exclusive entertainment with big screens and no need to leave your seat for the inconvenience of a football match. Ellerslie Road stand is converted to a completely enclosed box area for Titanium entertaining, Another exclusive restaurant will be housed in the outdoor area, the press will also mingle here so as not to inconvenience the ruling classes in South Africa Road stand. The South Africa Road stand will be completely taken over for C club entertaining with the exception of each end block for "W12 exclusivity". The paddocks will be split to allow new covered areas for players, subs, families, guests of players, guests of visiting players, guests of referees, guests of guests and anyone else without an AMEX Black. Can you now see the potential of the boutique football ground? A capacity of 14k max but comfort and leggroom galore if only you have the readies.
So we now move onto the football side, a boutique does not revolve around the standard model of mass production, the boutique football club requires what exactly? Let me tell you, it requires some gladiators to turn up when the rich, famous, not so famous, C club celebrities are in town. These gladiators can be bought as and when required, no need to be injury free as they may well get the thumbs down from the well heeled C club. As a result, there is clearly no need for the club to plough money into entertaining young lads who have no chance whatsoever of becoming a bring and buy gladiator, therefore the youth team can be disbanded. Massive savings on running a Centre of Excellence let alone the money saved in not investing in attaining Academy status. The benefits are again clear, no youth setup, no money wasted on expensive qualified coaches to run it, see how easy this model is! Without all these requirements there is actually no need for our own training facilities, don't have to buy one let alone rent one. The exclusive group of gladiators can simply train with Fulham as Fayed is a mate and will be a special guest, don't forget, he has two yachts and a private jet that can be made available to keep him sweet, or anyone else for that matter, matter, sounds like Blatter!
So there you have it, the perfect boutique football club model that will be the envy of the world but all small clubs will want to follow, however they will all lack one thing. That thing being owners who are so removed from the real world they gave no actual concept of what people want or expect, as a result, we will remain the envy of the world until, of course, someone dies or someone else finally gets arrested. that may not help though, if proven successful there might be two "glamorous" daughters willing to continue the boutique experience.