Post by haqpr1963 on Jun 4, 2009 8:34:33 GMT
This is from my usual "sauces" (Well, I made it up while in the Pickles and Condiments aisle at Sainsbury's!)
Long, long ago in that strange alternate reality occupied by our clubs owners.....
[Loftus Road, a phone rings.....]
GP : "Pronto? Paladini. Chi parla?" (For it is he, our club chairman and erstwhile top, top agent.)
FB : "Buongiorno, Flunky, sono il signor Briatore."
GP : "Ahhh, Capo, if it's about da loan then da cheque is inna da post...."
FB : "So you gotta da horses head then? But forget about that for now, we have bigger fish to fry at QPR."
GP : "[SIGH] Remember, Capo, I told you it's not a restaurant it's a football club..."
FB : "Ah, si, so forget about da fish. How is da search for da new coach going?"
GP : "Well, I've done everything we did before, the card is back in da window of the newsagents in Uxbridge Road. But people keep laughing and talking about bargepoles...."
FB : "Okay, well done, but forget about that. This is serious, da press is taking da p***, no one is buying season tickets and Ali has run out of ideas to steal from Hearts. And most important of all da PR department has run out of ways to say that da coach has been sacked without using da S word. This time we have to get it right, so, I have a master plan...."
GP : "Okay, Capo, go ahead...."
FB : "I have been hearing lots of good things about a well respected manager. So Flunky, go and get him, money is no object, we MUST have him...."
GP : "Okay, Capo, just one question. Who is it?"
FB : "Well, I don't want to be too obvious, I am worried about da leaks at da club."
GP : "I told you, we fixed da ladies toilets."
FB : "No, no, I think da guy with da drum has bugged da phones again."
GP : "Oh. Okay, Capo, give me a clue then...."
FB : "Okay, Flunky, get me JM. Do you hear me JM...."
GP : "Is Mr Ecclestone okay with this?"
FB : "Bernie is having his nap. But don't worry, so long as we pay for his Chelsea season ticket he is sweet."
GP : "Okay, Capo, I am on it...."
[Tuesday, this week, Flavio's penthouse office. The phone rings...]
FB : "Pronto? Sex God. Chi parla?"
GP : "Capo, it is me Gianni. I have called in all my contacts from my many years as a top, top agent and da deal is done. 2 year contract. We have arranged da press conference for tomorrow."
FB : "Brilliant, I will see you there......"
[Yesterday, Loftus Road, 5 minutes before the press arrive. Flavio enters stage right.]
JM : "Hello Mr Briatore, nice to meet you."
FB : "Erm, hello, coffee black two sugars. Mine is da solid gold cup with da capital F tastefully picked out in platinum and diamonds."
JM : "Err, okay boss..."
[GP enters stage left.]
FB : "So, Flunky, is Jose here yet? He must be so excited to be back in West London?"
GP : "Ermmmm. Can I have a word?........."
( This ITK BS is easy..... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D )
Long, long ago in that strange alternate reality occupied by our clubs owners.....
[Loftus Road, a phone rings.....]
GP : "Pronto? Paladini. Chi parla?" (For it is he, our club chairman and erstwhile top, top agent.)
FB : "Buongiorno, Flunky, sono il signor Briatore."
GP : "Ahhh, Capo, if it's about da loan then da cheque is inna da post...."
FB : "So you gotta da horses head then? But forget about that for now, we have bigger fish to fry at QPR."
GP : "[SIGH] Remember, Capo, I told you it's not a restaurant it's a football club..."
FB : "Ah, si, so forget about da fish. How is da search for da new coach going?"
GP : "Well, I've done everything we did before, the card is back in da window of the newsagents in Uxbridge Road. But people keep laughing and talking about bargepoles...."
FB : "Okay, well done, but forget about that. This is serious, da press is taking da p***, no one is buying season tickets and Ali has run out of ideas to steal from Hearts. And most important of all da PR department has run out of ways to say that da coach has been sacked without using da S word. This time we have to get it right, so, I have a master plan...."
GP : "Okay, Capo, go ahead...."
FB : "I have been hearing lots of good things about a well respected manager. So Flunky, go and get him, money is no object, we MUST have him...."
GP : "Okay, Capo, just one question. Who is it?"
FB : "Well, I don't want to be too obvious, I am worried about da leaks at da club."
GP : "I told you, we fixed da ladies toilets."
FB : "No, no, I think da guy with da drum has bugged da phones again."
GP : "Oh. Okay, Capo, give me a clue then...."
FB : "Okay, Flunky, get me JM. Do you hear me JM...."
GP : "Is Mr Ecclestone okay with this?"
FB : "Bernie is having his nap. But don't worry, so long as we pay for his Chelsea season ticket he is sweet."
GP : "Okay, Capo, I am on it...."
[Tuesday, this week, Flavio's penthouse office. The phone rings...]
FB : "Pronto? Sex God. Chi parla?"
GP : "Capo, it is me Gianni. I have called in all my contacts from my many years as a top, top agent and da deal is done. 2 year contract. We have arranged da press conference for tomorrow."
FB : "Brilliant, I will see you there......"
[Yesterday, Loftus Road, 5 minutes before the press arrive. Flavio enters stage right.]
JM : "Hello Mr Briatore, nice to meet you."
FB : "Erm, hello, coffee black two sugars. Mine is da solid gold cup with da capital F tastefully picked out in platinum and diamonds."
JM : "Err, okay boss..."
[GP enters stage left.]
FB : "So, Flunky, is Jose here yet? He must be so excited to be back in West London?"
GP : "Ermmmm. Can I have a word?........."
( This ITK BS is easy..... ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D )
